Family. That one word means different things to different people. Some consider it a plural term to lump all those related by blood into one basket. Others see those people they gather close to their heart, chosen on merit and not DNA to be their family of choice. Far too many are dysfunctional. The storybook picture of what constitutes a family is just not a reality for many people anymore; that doesn't mean that the strong and loving bonds of family are lessened by an absent parent or two parents of the same sex or being raised by parents who chose you but didn't biologically create you. Your family is quite simply - your family.
My family is the single most important thing in my life. I'm fortunate to come from a family who all feel the same way. From outsiders we have as much criticism as we have envy from those who wish they were a part of our large, encapsulating embrace. My family consists of my three teenage sons, my parents, my sister and her son and myself. I live with my two younger sons and my parents in a large home with more than enough room for when the rest of the family are here a few nights a week for dinner or sleep overs. My older son lives with his partner and she is the daughter I never had and although they are only 19, she has been a part of our lives for many years. Our lives are full and chaotic, certainly never quiet or lonely and I would never want it to be any other way.
But family doesn't stop beyond these walls. My ex husband and his partner and her children are also a part of my family. We go out for dinner as a big group every few weeks and I think my boys love the fact that they have both of their parents together, accepting one another for who we are, enjoying the company, forgetting the expectations of society and generally having a great time. My ex has been with his partner for around 10 years now - longer than we were together - and I can honestly call her my friend. Letting go of those ideas set by society that there should be some kind of cold war between the new partner and the old is damaging to all concerned and I can tell you from experience it's so much nicer when everyone gets along.
I think most people would agree with me on this... when thinking of childhood memories, many of the best ones involve siblings, cousins, and trips to grandparent's homes and generally centre around traditional family gatherings. I know for me this is true. Cousins are another interesting topic. I have friends whose cousins are as close or closer than their siblings and other friends who have cousins they rarely see or haven't even met. My cousins are great (for the most part) and thanks to facebook we have actually grown closer as distance had been an encumbrance.
There is something to be said for the blood ties, even as watered down as it becomes as generations spread their proverbial wings and plant seeds on diametrically opposed sides of the planet. I am passionate about genealogy, well, family history to be more accurate (as I like to put leaves on the trees and flesh on the bones) and my incessant search for fleshing out my own tree led me to discover a few of these kin united by blood. In particular I found (actually she found me but that's by the by) a fifth cousin once removed who is so much like me that it's as if we were identical twins separated at birth and not by a protesting brother torn from his sister and shipped to The Colonies in 1831. She is my soul sister, my dearest friend and my family. Her family is my family too. Actually, sinking your teeth into your ancestral roots not only gives you a great understanding of where you come from but it helps you to understand who you are and why you are the person you are. It also helps you to realise that we are all connected.
My family is the single most important thing in my life. I'm fortunate to come from a family who all feel the same way. From outsiders we have as much criticism as we have envy from those who wish they were a part of our large, encapsulating embrace. My family consists of my three teenage sons, my parents, my sister and her son and myself. I live with my two younger sons and my parents in a large home with more than enough room for when the rest of the family are here a few nights a week for dinner or sleep overs. My older son lives with his partner and she is the daughter I never had and although they are only 19, she has been a part of our lives for many years. Our lives are full and chaotic, certainly never quiet or lonely and I would never want it to be any other way.
But family doesn't stop beyond these walls. My ex husband and his partner and her children are also a part of my family. We go out for dinner as a big group every few weeks and I think my boys love the fact that they have both of their parents together, accepting one another for who we are, enjoying the company, forgetting the expectations of society and generally having a great time. My ex has been with his partner for around 10 years now - longer than we were together - and I can honestly call her my friend. Letting go of those ideas set by society that there should be some kind of cold war between the new partner and the old is damaging to all concerned and I can tell you from experience it's so much nicer when everyone gets along.
I think most people would agree with me on this... when thinking of childhood memories, many of the best ones involve siblings, cousins, and trips to grandparent's homes and generally centre around traditional family gatherings. I know for me this is true. Cousins are another interesting topic. I have friends whose cousins are as close or closer than their siblings and other friends who have cousins they rarely see or haven't even met. My cousins are great (for the most part) and thanks to facebook we have actually grown closer as distance had been an encumbrance.
There is something to be said for the blood ties, even as watered down as it becomes as generations spread their proverbial wings and plant seeds on diametrically opposed sides of the planet. I am passionate about genealogy, well, family history to be more accurate (as I like to put leaves on the trees and flesh on the bones) and my incessant search for fleshing out my own tree led me to discover a few of these kin united by blood. In particular I found (actually she found me but that's by the by) a fifth cousin once removed who is so much like me that it's as if we were identical twins separated at birth and not by a protesting brother torn from his sister and shipped to The Colonies in 1831. She is my soul sister, my dearest friend and my family. Her family is my family too. Actually, sinking your teeth into your ancestral roots not only gives you a great understanding of where you come from but it helps you to understand who you are and why you are the person you are. It also helps you to realise that we are all connected.
What a fabulous piece of reading that was. You are blessed to have the family you do, I am not surprised that many may envy that. I sometimes and have felt at times very disconnected from my family- there have been some very testing times over the years and it has felt somewhat dysfunctional to say the least- but we always come back together, which says to me that blood really is that thick. I have a very very good and dear friend that I have for over a decade called 'my family' and last year I found out that we ARE actually related!! And to then find another cousin on the opposite side of the world, who not only shares my blood and me hers, but we are soooooooooo similar in sooooo many ways- our lives have been a mirror in ALL ways, that I think we should have some kind of scientific study done on us!! So very happy that my brother found you for me <3
ReplyDeleteI have a huge extended family back in Poland, but of course I don't see them any more. I miss that sometimes, but then I remember the constant bickering and feuding and jealousy that played a huge part in my parents' leaving the country.
ReplyDeleteNow it's just me and my boys, my parents and my sister in Perth. We have some relatives in Perth as well, but only see them every few years.